need another drink. this is the easiest way
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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