and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
