Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
