Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...