i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!