I'm really into asian looking animals
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit