Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
