I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads