i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?