He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My pussy is not your playground.
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Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.