Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
