Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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