I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
