i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
