We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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