I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
