shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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