ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
