i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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