Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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