I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
