it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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