I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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