woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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