You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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