dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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