I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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