part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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