I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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