I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
