I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
