I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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