Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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