Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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