I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
