I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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