i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
