Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
