I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
