Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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