I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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