The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
