this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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