haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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