i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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