I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
