i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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