i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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