you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
