i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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