do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
