She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
