Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
