Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
