They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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