Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
