I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
