I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
