Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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