Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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