im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
