is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Panties = found
Randomize
