We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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