You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
