sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
