I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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