is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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