Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
