Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
